Shark Talk

For a short while, in my corner of the world, there was some talk about culling Great White Sharks. Great Whites are totally badarse, and will wreck your shit. All of your shit. All. Your. Shit. Some people (big pussies with vaginas full of sand) want the government to cull Great Whites, despite the fact that experts say that's stupid.

Here's the thing, man: experts know stuff better than amateurs who know nothing about the subject they're talking about. A lot of people thought there was one (1) shark that was hunting humans, and that this shark should be killed. Firstly, how're you going to which shark it was? You'll just be killing a random shark. That like Man A breaking into someone's house, and Man B getting arrested because Man B was shaped like Man A. Secondly, the idea of a rogue shark is stupid, and if you believe in it you're stupid. If you don't think you're stupid, think again. Then go get some knowledge. Some knowledge with heaps of teeth and fins.

What I mean is you should jump into the open mouth of a really big shark.

Enter the fucking shark.

Here are some shark facts: Sharks can cut a motherfucker with their skin. Their skin has teeth. They can can't be used like sandpaper, though, because they're too cumbersome. Sharks have two dicks, because their woman have a lot of heart, but lack in technique. There was a mural along a road with a bunch of sharks who were wearing armour, and it was fucking killer. The replaced it with a mural featuring some knockoffs of The Avengers, which looks like shit. Sharks can swim faster than any Olympian, and can also eat more humans, on average.

A shark could probably last against a barbarian for a while, but a good barbarian would win. A crap barbarian is not worthy of doing battle with a shark. Sharks are like the barbarians of the sea, and giant squids are like dragons. Those fucked up deep sea fish are like bad politicians and people who live by business catchphrases from the 40s. If sharks could walk on land they'd die because they need to be in water, the legs won't make a difference. That's sad.

If someone wrote a book about your life, what would they title it?

Here are some possible contenders:

Duck Based Economies: A Retrospect
Antiverbs
Winning the Waiting Game
Contraception On Two Legs
Wasteland Survival with Artie Fish
Man after Man: Anthropology of the Future (They already did this one, actually.)
Advanced Bastardry
Koran III: Desert Search For Techno Allah
One Man's Junk
The Citadel of Procrastination
Bad Dude: The Legit Scoop
Glorious Leader Uncle Reggie's Little Octarine Book
Funkenstein: A Tale of Two Funkensteins: Part XII: A Night at the Cactus Motel (Revised Edition)
Illusory Narcissism for Dummies
Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse
Fantastic Adventures in Bonerland
The Psychedelic Warlord (Disappears in Smoke)
Chef of Ill Repute
Bad Dude, or Baddest Dude?
20 Recepies Involving Vegetarian Bacon, Eggs, and Barbecue Sauce
White Boys Can't Funk
Psychedelic Hour Long Guitar Solos: The Book
Vinyl Smells Nice
The Man Who Gave Very Few Fucks (Less than 3/8 of a Fuck)
History of the Mouse Organ
Technobarbarians of WWIV
1d6 Per Caster Level
The White Zone is for Loading and Unloading Only
Self Unemployment: The Definitive Guide