Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Shark Talk

For a short while, in my corner of the world, there was some talk about culling Great White Sharks. Great Whites are totally badarse, and will wreck your shit. All of your shit. All. Your. Shit. Some people (big pussies with vaginas full of sand) want the government to cull Great Whites, despite the fact that experts say that's stupid.

Here's the thing, man: experts know stuff better than amateurs who know nothing about the subject they're talking about. A lot of people thought there was one (1) shark that was hunting humans, and that this shark should be killed. Firstly, how're you going to which shark it was? You'll just be killing a random shark. That like Man A breaking into someone's house, and Man B getting arrested because Man B was shaped like Man A. Secondly, the idea of a rogue shark is stupid, and if you believe in it you're stupid. If you don't think you're stupid, think again. Then go get some knowledge. Some knowledge with heaps of teeth and fins.

What I mean is you should jump into the open mouth of a really big shark.

Enter the fucking shark.
Here are some shark facts: Sharks can cut a motherfucker with their skin. Their skin has teeth. They can can't be used like sandpaper, though, because they're too cumbersome. Sharks have two dicks, because their woman have a lot of heart, but lack in technique. There was a mural along a road with a bunch of sharks who were wearing armour, and it was fucking killer. The replaced it with a mural featuring some knockoffs of The Avengers, which looks like shit. Sharks can swim faster than any Olympian, and can also eat more humans, on average.

A shark could probably last against a barbarian for a while, but a good barbarian would win. A crap barbarian is not worthy of doing battle with a shark. Sharks are like the barbarians of the sea, and giant squids are like dragons. Those fucked up deep sea fish are like bad politicians and people who live by business catchphrases from the 40s. If sharks could walk on land they'd die because they need to be in water, the legs won't make a difference. That's sad.


Anonymous said...

someones been watching shark week I see.

you should watch the movie "Rogue" is you haven't seen it yet. it's about a killer croc and it's actually really good. shot in 'straya, mate.

Reginald said...

I watched it. It was silly, but took itself seriously.